As I left work I was sent off with chuckles, with the most diplomatic comment being: 'Well you'll see a different side to England that's for sure.' What's more, our entire crew of Kalem, Jess and Kayla also received similar comments. What on earth where we getting ourselves in for?
Like my colleague suggested, Blackpool very much offered a different side to England and a stark contrast to London. It's quite a poor town comparatively, although the people are a lot nicer albeit a little 'rough around the edges.' We had a great time regardless and it seemed like we spent the entire weekend clutching our sides with laughter!
Blackpool is shameless in positioning itself as the classic British seaside town, complete with tacky Vegas style lights, 2 quid burger meals, endless theme parks and a nightlife that is unrivalled. The locals don't seem to care, nor do the 16 million visitors who come to Blackpool each year. After London, it is England's most visited city, although most English people I know haven't set foot there.
I feel terrible saying this but I'll just have to get it over with as there's just no positive way I can frame this... Blackpool seems to have far more share of ugly people than any other place we've been. I know it's nasty, but it's a widely accepted fact. To be honest, some people were so terrible and tacky, they actually left our entire group flabbergasted. To top it off, the party scene is ruthless with one lass stumbling past us at 3pm in a tiny mini skirt which was flying right up in the breeze, showing her pantiless backside to the world. What's worse, she didn't even make an attempt to hide her modesty. In every bar you only have to look around to see girls and boys lurching all over each other displaying heinous amounts of flesh that you'd only ever see on a beach. Kayla hit the nail on the head when she said, 'God, this place is great for my self confidence - I feel like a rockstar!'
Which is exactly what we became, looking back I displayed embarrassing levels of arrogance as I sauntered up to the bouncers, cutting huge lines and refusing to pay any door charges, all because I was from New Zealand and this was an Australian themed bar. New Zealand, I pointed out, was actually a state in Australia and it was only fair our group should be allowed free entry and to cut the line, seeing as they were milking our national identity for their branding purposes. In London I'd be told in no uncertain times to 'F*** right off you bloody sheep shagger', but here we were greeted with open arms and a friendly smile. Kalem's theory was that we were easily the five best looking people Blackpool had ever seen and were an asset to any bar! You're probably all thinking we sound like right toss pots and you'd be correct in assuming this, but I've got to say that he hit the nail on the head here!
Friday night we went out, skipped lines, and were given VIP status... That is until Brad fell off the stage after giving the locals a little show. To be fair, as we were rockstars he was only giving the locals what they wanted, but as he took a bail, the DJ quick as anything announced over the speaker, 'That's a penis to New Zealand!' Brad quickly jumped up and sheepishly returned back to the dance floor where we spent the remainder of the night re-enacting the tumble and laughing ourselves sick!
Saturday morning we were up and at Pleasure Beach before you can say 'Full English.' Well that's not strictly true as we did stuff ourselves with a Full English breakfast before we left our hotel for one of the coolest theme parks ever. I'd received expert advice from a colleague of mine who used to holiday in Blackpool, so I knew the must do rides and had put together a plan in advance. We had an absolute ball and the rides were insane! I'm not sure I'll ever be able to visit Rainbow's End again! At one point we were hurtling around a roller coaster track on a cart that seemed to keep bouncing off the tracks screaming 'how is this legal!?' Pleasure Beach is also home to Europe's tallest and steepest roller coaster, which Kalem kept reminding us as we kept ascending up the tracks!
We finished off our day with the world's best ride in the dark (fact) and got absolutely saturated. Wet and with our nerves on edge, we walked home via a fish and chip shop (Blackpool must do) and gorged ourselves on more fat and grease, as if breakfast wasn't enough. We also had another walk around the town, declining numerous offers of having our palm read, getting diamante tattoos or throwing a ball in a bucket to win a prize!
A quick two hour kip later and we were ready to experience our second night of partying in Blackpool, but not before a burger and chips of course!
Saturday night saw us skipping lines and refusing to pay door charges yet again. We had a grand old time playing ‘Spot the normal looking person’ (we didn’t as so much as see a contender), whilst dancing the night away. At the end of the evening, we were walking home when an Irish lad came running up to us, covered in blood after being in a fight, hand broken as anything, asking if we had any spare credit so he could call his girlfriend and find out where she was. After learning his name was Connor and he was 19, we decided to make sure he got home safely well and truly. We chatted to him for quite a while and I was absolutely flabbergasted at the differences between him and our wee Connor. He had been kicked out of Belfast by the gangs for dealing drugs at a price far cheaper than the drugs being offered by numerous gangs, and was told that if he were ever to return he’d be given what the Irish call a ‘six pack’, which is blatantly a shot to each of the kneecaps, wrists and elbows so every joint is shattered. The trouble in Northern Ireland seems to be so apparent at the moment and I was moved by this wee Connor, and so thankful that our Connor was in completely different circumstances. Anyway, we got him back to his girlfriend and sister safe and sound, but later saw him chasing after another guy getting himself beaten up. We chased after him and returned him once again. This time to a crying girlfriend and upset sister – it’s clear this lad has troubles. Very sad.
Sunday we were up early, once again for a full English, before we hit the road en route to Manchester where we were hoping to do a tour of Old Trafford Stadium, but instead after finding out the next tour wasn’t available for two hours, we decided to hit the road and head to Birmingham, where Cadbury World was waiting! You can only imagine my excitement!
The tour was amazing and by the end of it, I couldn’t as so much even consider another bite of chocolate as I was well and truly stuffed. The tour included endless chocolate, a tour of the factory, a wee train ride through Cadbury Land, a look at their advertising throughout the years, the history etc... We even tried our hand at writing our names in chocolate, which I was an absolute star at. I’m surprised I wasn’t asked to join the team. A highlight for me was choosing any candy we wanted, which they then poured into a cup of melted chocolate. Heaven!
All in all, it was a lovely weekend spent clutching our sides in laughter. We’d recommend anyone to head to Blackpool for a weekend, if not solely for the confidence boost! It’s a great laugh and impossible not to have a great time.
Next on the agenda is a weekend in Bournemouth, before we head to Turkey and Greece for 10 days – woop woop!
Much love x
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