I Amsterdam

This weekend saw us cross four countries until we reached our final destination Amsterdam, The Netherlands – just another casual weekend living this side of the world! After departing London, we embarked on one of Sea France's luxurious ships and found ourselves travelling through France, Belgium and The Netherlands before arriving in Amsterdam, tired from the journey but otherwise excited.

Niels lives in essentially a University hostel so it took us right back to our days of study as we navigated our way through communal hostels to his room, where he had a mattress already set up with our name on it – brilliant.

We kicked off our fleeting weekend with our tried and trusted walking tour and although it wasn’t as good as the other tours, it was certainly worthwhile. There didn’t seem to be as to learn re the history of Amsterdam and we also had our very own local tour guide in Niels, but of course we did learn a few facts around what Amsterdam is renowned for – hookers and drugs! I’ve listed a few facts for you below in an attempt to give you a virtual tour of Europe...
• The hookers you can see standing in the windows of Amsterdam are essentially running their own business. Pimping is illegal in Amsterdam and the woman standing there have hired their windows at a cost which is based upon the location.
• Contrary to popular belief, Marijuana isn’t actually legal in Amsterdam. Rather it is decriminalised and rather than prosecute like in NZ, the Police choose to look the other way as it is ‘better for business!’ A true reflection of the good old Dutch values – money makes the world go round!
• There are as thousand bridges in Amsterdam.
• The smallest house is just 1.8 metres wide – we have the photos to prove it!
Our guide was actually Swedish and had zero sense of humour – something which was demonstrated when he asked the group why Dutch people were so tall. When Brad answered ‘clogs’, he simply turned and without a trace of irony explained that his theory wasn’t correct as when they took their clogs of they would once again be short. Niels, who spent six months studying at a Swedish University, explained that the Swedish are renowned for being quite humourless – mind you they are also absolutely stunning, so perhaps they can be forgiven.

Amsterdam is a really beautiful city, which the humourless Swede likened to half an onion... Granted it’s a pretty odd analogy, but it certainly makes sense as the narrow alley ways and canals act as different onion layers.

After narrowly avoiding being hit by a bike we decided to join what Amsterdammers refer to as 'cyclopaths'. Hired bikes and we were away sailing. In Amsterdam everyone gives way to bikes - if you're a pedestrian or even a car it can be a scary position to be in as you're constantly being mowed down by cyclists ringing their little tinkley bells to death!

Nice city could easily live there. All canals and cobbled streets. No hugely old buildings but lots of character.

After hiring our beloved bright red bikes we were away sailing and soon we were whizzing and weaving through Amsterdam’s alley ways and over endless bridges in no time. Having Niels was fabulous - he took us through the roads less travelled and we really got to experience the complete package - not a tourist in sight.

We managed to stumble across a real gem - a local flea market. Brad and I could have lost ourselves in their for hours - particularly in one stall where we each picked up a pair of puffy snow boots, or moon boots, straight out of the 80s! Brad's have a crotched strip and mine look like patchwork curtains. Hilarious, yet already we know we'll wear them to death - not bad for five euro. I also picked up a retro little satchel bag which is perfect for travelling.

We then whizzed around some more, stopping in the park to climb a huge old tree where we sat up there watching the world go by for hours. Very Peter Pan like.

They do say that trying the local cuisine is the best way to suss out a culture and what better way than with a traditional dinner... Don’t ask me, I wouldn’t know because as soon as those boys saw that ‘all you can eat ribs’ sign it was game over! The whole concept was a bit of a scam though as the waiters brought the ribs out at a snail pace, meaning we ended up in a waiting game standoff. Let’s just say the Commerce Commission and Fair Go would have had a field day! By the time the boys had their fill it was quite late, although Niels called it a day decidedly earlier after a particularly unflattering photograph was taken of him that morning!

We had grand plans of heading back into the red light district to scope out some more prostitutes and visit a 'peep show', which are weird booth type things frequented by creepy creeps, but after our huge day of sightseeing we fell asleep at just 2am.

Our next day got off to a rip-roaring start when we woke up and realised that because daylight savings was at end, we had an extra hour added on to our time in Amsterdam – brilliant. Amsterdam’s such an amazing place that the extra hour was very much appreciated. After the obligatory hostel shower and hours wait while Niels did his hair, we were back on the bikes, whizzing around the streets of Amsterdam. This time we headed out to the streets less travelled where we went to a delicious little cafe where we stuffed our faces. I had a blueberry mascarpone and pistachio pancake roulade, which is apparently quite the traditional Dutch breakfast, while Brad went for the good old fashioned Irish breakfast – when in Amsterdam after all!

We had the most enjoyable five or so hours of biking around, with Niels as our personalised tour guide pointing out all the local haunts, including Anne Frank’s house, world-famous museums and more hookers - delightful! There really is something for everything in the red light district – girls of every age, size, ethnicity and... gender. They all pout like anything, stick out their hips and try to lure you in. Despite the fact they did this to every male that walked past their window, one lass had Niels blushing and giggling like a school girl when one tried to invite him in with a suggestive lick of his lips. He swears he didn’t, but we wouldn’t have been all that surprised if he popped back once we had all left! He did seem to be taking a careful note of the street and window number...

We also got to check out these world famous peep shows – well Shady and I did anyway due to a lack of change. Two euro goes in and I'm standing there mortified while some woman who couldn't look more bored stands there and half heartedly shakes her hips – not an experience to write home about and I spent more time wishing the ground would swallow me up, than looking eagerly on like the other dirty perves I could see with their noses pressed against their windows!

Amsterdam is an amazing place and there really is something for everyone. We’re going back for New Years as part of our tour, which is just as well as one weekend is certainly not enough! It is such a liberal and accepting city, which was always years ahead of its time and it is easy to see why many Jewish families flocked to Amsterdam after they had been pushed out of the rest of Europe.

Most of all, it was a truly fabulous weekend with fabulous friends and it was amazing being able to spend the weekend catching up with everyone. Niels was an expert guide and placed our fun as his highest goal, and I don’t even want to think about how much we are going to miss Shady and Emily when they go home in December. Riding around on our bikes made us feel five years old again and really knocked years off our lives – forget about a facelift, bike riding and climbing trees is where it is at!

Good times, good company, a perfect weekend!

Xxx