Basel-tof!

Love from Basel, Switzerland – a scenic city right on the border of France and Germany – so much so, that since our arrival 24 hours ago, we’ve already been to three different countries: Switzerland, Germany and France. Not bad for a day’s work!

After a very early start yesterday morning (and only two hours sleep), we headed to the now very familiar airport. The plane ride would have been very picturesque, but I’m afraid we can’t comment on that as we spent the entire flight sound asleep – the kind of sleep where your mouth hangs open, and you’re even prone to a spot of dribbling. Not the most glamorous, but we didn’t care in the slightest!

Our trip got off to a bit of a rocky start when trying to navigate our way to our accommodation. After going round and round on the tram a few times, the conductor took pity on us and managed to point us off in the right direction. Despite all our research, the tram route had actually changed so no matter how many times we rode that darn thing around we were never going to get there! It’s times like these you really do rely on the kindness of the human spirit, as if it weren’t for this conductor (whose only English was ‘have a great day’), there’s no doubt in my mind that we’d still be on that tram! Anyway.... So we made it to the bus station, which then took us across the German border to a little place called Wil Heilm Rhein. After the bus dropped us off on a back street that wouldn’t have been out of place in the film ‘The hills have eyes’, we found ourselves knocking on the door of a house straight out of some creepy horror film. After knocking and standing at the door for a good ten minutes, this old man (who had been sitting in the garden staring at us for the entire time) gets up and yells something in German. Another five minutes later this fat, bald, Rumplestilskin lookalike opens the door then says something about his parents not being home and he doesn’t know when they’ll return –yes that’s right, this creature is actually a child! We are near delirious at this stage (40 degree heat wearing jeans and jackets, running on two hours sleep, and feeling sick sick, sick) and are just lost for words. Brad isn’t having a bar of it and we both storm off back towards the bus stop and the only shop in town – aptly named ‘Pussy Girls’. Suffice to say, our first experience with Germany hasn’t been about the beautiful Bavarian landscape, or refreshing steins, or delicious food – rather we found ourselves in some tiny backwater, where we were convinced was the inspiration behind the horror film Hostel.

Half an hour later, and after breaking down on the side of the road, stripping off my clothes and changing into shorts and a singlet (right outside Pussy Girls in actual fact – in hindsight, perhaps not the best move, but given how expensive Switzerland is, trying to earn a bit on the side might not be such a bad idea), we managed to get on the bus which took us back to Basel, where we recouped our strength by stopping at McDonald’s to eat and use their free Wi-Fi. By some random act of fate, our bus just happened to drive past a sign for ‘Dorint Hotel’, which is where Michelle was staying. I managed to navigate my way to her, while Brad lapped up the air conditioning in McDonald’s and found us some new accommodation.

Now I must mention the most significant thing we have noticed about Switzerland so far – the extraordinary prices. It defies believe! Our McDonald’s combos cost us NZ$30, and don’t even get us started on the accommodation. They have one hostel here which is NZ$100 a night! We’re staying in a hotel which Brad found on a last minute style website, which is costing us a small fortune, but is a much better deal than the rip-off backpackers. We were also pleased to learn that this hotel gives you a card which allows free public transport all around the city, which saves us about NZ$20 a day as well. It’s also right in the heart of the city, next to a supermarket (there is no way we’re eating out – our diet for the next five days is bread, luncheon and apples!) and a few minutes away from Michelle’s hotel. Brad has also found that one of the 40 television channels is in English and conveniently is playing highlights from the British Open - an act of god if ever I saw one!

I’ve been lucky enough to pick up another bug somewhere along the line, and woke up yesterday morning feeling nauseous and with stomach cramps – not the best feeling when you know you’ve got a flight ahead of you! It’s gotten worse and as a result, we’ve decided to stay in the hotel today. I made it outside for a few minutes today, but literally had to turn around and run back, where I have kept a close eye on the bathroom. I won’t go into details, but let me just say that luncheon and apple certainly doesn’t taste as good on the way back up! Thankfully Brad is a placid and peaceful creature and is more than happy to doze and watch golf while I feel sorry for myself.

Now on to more pleasant details – honestly, so far this update has done nothing but whine! Despite me feeling crook and the fact that just stepping outside will set you back your life savings, Basel is absolutely beautiful. Contrary to my original presumptions, is ridiculously hot here and easy to see why the local tradition is floating down the River Rhine, clutching a floatation device! We’ve decided to give it a go, as if you can’t beat them, then there’s no choice but to join them! It’s hilarious – picture a beautiful, historical city, built upon the river, then imagine thousands of screaming Swiss tom-foolering down the river at an alarming speed! They then all jump out and stand around in their too-tight Speedos, slapping each other on the back, standing a bit too close for comfort, puffing away on their cigarettes, then setting off down the street on their bicycles (it pays not to watch this too closely, as obviously the logistics of wearing Speedos whilst cycling doesn’t quite add up). We’ve been amazed at just how many people smoke over here – everyone! There’s little point in coughing gently, whilst fanning your hands around your face – they don’t understand, and would instead just think you’re trying to brush away a bug. Seriously everyone does it – even the blimmen newborns probably puff away after a good old feed of breast milk!

Michelle managed to get us tickets to the infamous Basel Tattoo last night (tickets start at about NZ$150) and it was absolutely amazing. We loved every second of it. The most talented brass bands, pipe bands and performers from all over the world play, and it is such a professional show that we were left with goose bumps. Brad enjoyed the Norwegian army who did a marching display with guns (I’ve never seen anything like it), but we also loved the Australian brass band who played all sorts of classics – Waltzing Matilda, Love is in the Air, and a multitude of Kylie Minogue classics – including locomotion, where they even marched in train-like fashion. Brilliant! Michelle played really well and looked very pretty, and I had to stop Brad screaming out ‘Way to go Hoe’ in between the last note being played and the applause starting! In retrospect I should have let him go for gold. Those players are just so focused on playing; I’d be interested to see what it would take to put them off. The Swiss band didn’t even bat an eyelid when their props (ten huge Swiss cows) started bucking, fighting and even emptying their bladders! The Mexican army were also a real laugh and played outside afterwards, to which Brad and I had a bit of a knees up, until I decided we absolutely had to go or a member of the Russian army might actually shoot me for throwing up all over his way too shiny shoes.

The great thing about Basel is not only the fact it’s so beautiful, it’s also ridiculously close to a number of exciting places. I’d like to go to the Blackforest (where Snow White and Rose Red was set Gems!), Zurich and Alsace – a wee French town that was annexed by the Germans throughout history. Michelle has a few days off so we’ll take a few road trips, before heading back to Basel so she can get to the Tattoo in the evenings. There’s also some really neat walking tours which we’ll do. Either way, we’ll be avoiding eating or drinking out at all times – why wouldn’t you when a small bottle of coke costs about NZ$5! It’s mental – but we imagine the average wage must reflect the ridiculous prices.

It’s crazy being in a country where hardly anyone speaks a word of English. Not many tourists come to Basel apparently, so instead of everyone rolling their eyes and muttering away to themselves about bloody tourists, rather they just think your special needs! We were in the supermarket earlier and had people nattering away to us, only to stop, smile sympathetically and back away when they caught a glance of our ‘deer in the headlights expression’. Lots of people speak French in Switzerland so I thought we’d be okay, but we haven’t encountered any in Basel so far. It’s all part of the adventure though and can prove to be quite entertaining.

Love you all and wish you were here. We could all float down the River Rhine together, laughing merrily to ourselves – mind you, it might not be a good idea. As much as I love you all, I don’t think I’d be too keen on seeing you in tighter-than-a-fishes-arse Speedos!
Dunkershan!
xxx